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And onwards
Jul. 22nd, 2020 08:01 pmHere I am again. Today is a strange day. I was working, and telling myself that I really must take the afternoon off because I have a tendency to go way too hard lately and the break is needed for both my brain and my hands. There was a FFXIV Live Letter due that I was really looking forward to, to unwind, and I recently bought the big updated biography/collected works of Grayson Perry that I was very much looking forward to reading.
Then, the news broke of Tim Smith's death.
It's funny how we deal with death.
I'm still not sure how I can eloquently summarise all of my feelings, but I will write something.
Whenever someone important to me - and also a public figure - dies, I don't really enjoy the outpourings on social media. Even when they are sincere from others, I can't bring myself to make yet another post just like everyone else, trying to cram down all my feelings into 280 characters.
I don't think I can do it in more, either, not yet. But I can explain part of it. When you have gone your whole life feeling different in a strange, complicated and near unexplainable way, with only parts of you ever being fully understood, and then, at a pivotal point in your development as a person you discover there is someone else who has experienced those things that were too odd, too obscure, too difficult, and has captured them in the form of art, music, writing, whatever - it is absolutely monumental. That person, for me, was Tim Smith. The landscapes of my mind I suddenly found reflected in him and his work. A point of resonance that nothing else has ever quite managed to reach.
I did end up reading some of the Grayson Perry book. All of it reminds me to keep making art, real, genuine works of art from my heart and soul, because it's a human need to express oneself and be seen and understood by others. "Understood" is not something I feel all that often, but I need to get it out there. The effect that Tim and Cardiacs had on me is evidence of that. It's important for me to continue the threads that he gave me, weave them with all the other experiences and influences that make up me, as a person.
Some of my recent work feels a little stiff to me, though it's been well-received by those who have seen it. Part of that is the need to earn a living by honing skills that have more mass appeal and usage, and part of it is the current lack of space I have while I'm still in the process of figuring out a better workspace situation. I want to strike a very fine balance between raw, genuine honesty, soul, beauty and technical ability. I believe it will happen if I keep working hard. I want to share the view from my "whole world window".
Then, the news broke of Tim Smith's death.
It's funny how we deal with death.
I'm still not sure how I can eloquently summarise all of my feelings, but I will write something.
Whenever someone important to me - and also a public figure - dies, I don't really enjoy the outpourings on social media. Even when they are sincere from others, I can't bring myself to make yet another post just like everyone else, trying to cram down all my feelings into 280 characters.
I don't think I can do it in more, either, not yet. But I can explain part of it. When you have gone your whole life feeling different in a strange, complicated and near unexplainable way, with only parts of you ever being fully understood, and then, at a pivotal point in your development as a person you discover there is someone else who has experienced those things that were too odd, too obscure, too difficult, and has captured them in the form of art, music, writing, whatever - it is absolutely monumental. That person, for me, was Tim Smith. The landscapes of my mind I suddenly found reflected in him and his work. A point of resonance that nothing else has ever quite managed to reach.
I did end up reading some of the Grayson Perry book. All of it reminds me to keep making art, real, genuine works of art from my heart and soul, because it's a human need to express oneself and be seen and understood by others. "Understood" is not something I feel all that often, but I need to get it out there. The effect that Tim and Cardiacs had on me is evidence of that. It's important for me to continue the threads that he gave me, weave them with all the other experiences and influences that make up me, as a person.
Some of my recent work feels a little stiff to me, though it's been well-received by those who have seen it. Part of that is the need to earn a living by honing skills that have more mass appeal and usage, and part of it is the current lack of space I have while I'm still in the process of figuring out a better workspace situation. I want to strike a very fine balance between raw, genuine honesty, soul, beauty and technical ability. I believe it will happen if I keep working hard. I want to share the view from my "whole world window".
